My Big Girl

-- Post From My iPhone

Dealing

We've been having a hard time dealing with the rather sudden death of our Smokey.

It was quite sudden and we didn't have time to really even think about what was happening.

Ryan is out of town, won't be back until Friday. I have been bringing Peanut to work with me because of her medical issue and her inability to "hold her bladder" as a result of the medication. Smokey and Maeby always stay home and Maeby is always crated because she is naughty and likes to pee in inconspicuous places.

So, Peanut, T & I arrived home from work/school at our regularly scheduled time.

We walked in the house, Smokey ran out and I went to let Maeby out of her cage. I suddenly heard crying from outside and turned to see Smokey walk in the house with one of his back legs dangling. I'm guessing he slipped on the snowy deck. I instantly knew it was broken and with that, I knew he must have osteosarcoma...cuz I'm that kind of a doom and gloom gal and he's 11 and a large breed dog.....

So, back in the car to the ER to confirm that yes, he had a fracture and yes, it looked like cancer. *Deep Breath*

I did my best to explain to T that we had to say our goodbye's to "Doodie" because he wasn't coming home with us. Ever. God, that was the hardest thing to do. It took her awhile to grasp it, and I'm not even sure she fully understands. I was honest with her. Doodie was very hurt and sick and he has died.

I am hoping this book helps...both of us

She keeps saying that she misses him. I miss him too.

Who is going to get into the garbage?

Who is going to eat the last cookie off the counter that I was saving for later?

Who is going to leave shredded, wet pieces of Kleenex all over the couch for me to clean up?

Who is going to be so happy to see me that they leap around the house like a deer?

Oh Smokey, you were one of a kind.

RIP Smokey "Doodie"
We'll miss you old man-You will forever be in our hearts

-- Post From My iPhone

Off the wagon

I've been sooooooo good about not spending any money. Soooooo good. But I slipped off the wagon twice. A tiny slip.
The first time was last week-I took T to the dentist and she was a total super star. Afterwards she asked for a Starbucks....I caved.
She enjoyed a vanilla steamed milk and I enjoyed...nothing :) That's right, nothing. I was good and didn't get myself anything because I have coffee at home :)

The 2nd time was on Tuesday. It was late, we were exhausted...ok, I was exhausted. The thought of making dinner was making me even more exhausted. McRib is back for a limited time.....You see where this is going.

With 30 days of nothing coming to a close I feel good. I surprised myself. I think this is something that has really changed the way I view what I "need" vs. what I "want".

We also donated some cash to Oxfam and the Red Cross to help with relief efforts in Haiti.
As a result of this little study of my willpower, we were able to donate more than we would have been ;)

"Mommy, why they so sad? I wanna rescue them"

Me too T......me too.

My heart is breaking.


photo courtesy of Eduardo Munoz/Reuters

sometimes it hits you like a ton of bricks

Today it happened in the shower, brought me to tears, almost to my knees.

The thought. The need. The urgency to go back to Ethiopia. I have to go back. I want to go back. Soon.

I feel like if I don't go back then I will forget. I will forget the smells, the sounds, the people, the emotion.

I don't want to forget.

Ever.